12-19-12

     Welp, No workout last night due to darts. No workout tonight due to just not feeling it. Once and a while that's ok so I am not going to get worried yet. It just can't become habit to not work out. That's the beginning of the end right there. So, if I am not working out I decided to just hang out a bit on the net and see about finding some information on working out. As I have been using the elliptical a lot as of late I found a pretty neat little 10 things not to do on an elliptical machine article off of a link on MSN. The article is here.
     The next week or so are going to be tough. There is always so much to do around the holidays. It's going to make both me and the wife tired. To be honest the wife will make me tired if I just watch her. This can't be an excuse every night though. We have to be honest with ourselves and take the time for ourselves, even if only 25 minutes. After the holidays I am going to start 45 minute workouts. My plan is that by late February I should be at hour long workouts. That's going to be it for me. I should not need more then that. Honestly, if I am doing stuff like an elliptical, or walk away the pounds with yoga I should be able to run a 5k.
That's it for now..  No motivation tonight as I couldn't even get myself to workout. <<<--- Need to be better about that.
-C

12-13-12

     Welp, just got off the elliptical and that makes 3 days in a row on it. I am getting stronger and stronger on the elliptical and now that it is set up so that I can adjust it's resistance and the time goes up and is working correctly I am able to tweak my workouts on the fly. For example, last night I did 30 minutes and burned 470 calories. Tonight I did 27 minutes and burned 456 calories. in another 3 minutes I would have gone over the 470 from last night. That's pretty awesome. It means I was working my ass off. The thing I have to remember is that it's not just about burning the calories but getting into shape so I need to sometimes take it a bit easy, relax, and just get my heart in a good zone to make it aerobic.
     The only other thing I wanted to put on here tonight is that tomorrow is going to be a *gulp* weigh in day. I haven't posted any weight this week because of that setback but I need to post it because good, bad, or indifferent it is part of the path that I am on. Even if I haven't lost anything I am in better shape this week then I was last week.
     No motivation tonight. I don't have the motivation for it ;)
One last thing, I have added the wife as a contributor to this blog. Once and a while she will e-mail me something that might interest me and now she can just put it here so that I have it without searching though e-mails. She too can write here if she would like. It's kind of our thing so I wouldn't mind. Not even going to talk to her about that..  she can decide if she wants to or not.
-C

12-9-12

     Wow!, it's been a while since I have posted on here. Thought I would pop on and give an update. As of last week I am down 22 pounds and feeling pretty good. I still can't really see any changes in my body no matter how hard I look and that part is getting me depressed a bit. I would think that 22 pounds, I should start to see something by now. The biggest news from last week is that a friend of mine and his wife gave me an elliptical machine to use. I have never really liked them before, to be exact I was afraid of them, but last Wednesday night I got it home and I jumped on it for 35 minutes. I burned over 500 calories in that 35 minutes. That pretty much did me in there, I am hooked! I used it the next night too and here is what I found. My calves just don't like being on it two nights in a row. I had to put a heating pad on my calves after taking a night off from working out. Lesson learned. Don't use the elliptical two nights in a row. Or, perhaps, I can try doing it for less time. The thing is I think I need to do it for at least 25 or I have to do something else before or after I get on it. It's not as complete a workout I guess is what I am getting at. For example, tonight I got on the treadmill for the first time in a long time because of the IT band. I was on it for about 15 minutes I think. Maybe it was 20, I really don't remember now. Anyways, I could feel my IT band as I was on it getting tighter, then the wife and I switched, (she was on the elliptical) and I was fine, I went pretty hard for about 10 minutes. I pretty much just wanted to burn 150 calories on that as I had burned about 100 on the treadmill. After all that we came upstairs and did some yoga.
     So, my body has pretty much done it all today. Truth be told, I needed it. I have been feeling like I have been slipping a bit and loosing a bit of motivation due to not being able to see the changes. I think I have said it on here before but I don't exactly have the most positive of body images so even if others are telling me they can see it, the problem is that I don't. So, tonight I'll post some pictures that were taken of me last week. I'll just keep looking until I see something positive. I just hope it's soon. I really need it. I haven't talked to the wife about how bad I am feeling about all this yet though, I suppose, she will read it here. It's not something I am completely comfortable speaking of in person. Sometimes, this blog is a sounding board for me and that is just going to have to be ok.
     Last night was my company's Christmas party. I had a good time. The wife and I got to dress up all pretty like and go out without the kids and without any friends. It was pretty nice and there is a little part of me that can't wait for the kids to be older so we can do it a little more often.(not that I am in a hurry for them to grow up by any means) Anyways, at the party there was so really good food and I was a bit surprised at myself. Until last night I had eaten whatever was out but I would really try to control it and if it was too much I would really feel bad about it. Kind of like an addict getting caught doing what it was they were addicted to I would think. Not last night though. Last night I just dug in and filled myself up. I think I had more to eat in that meal then I did at either one of the Thanksgiving meals that I had. I did it and I didn't feel bad about it at all. This is a very slippery slop for me I think. I can't let it happen again. Everyone always says to me that it's ok once and a while, the problem is that if I let myself find comfort in food I may mess everything up that I have worked so hard to accomplish. Keep this in mind for the holidays Chris. It's important.

Picture time:

 

So this is how I am looking as of last week. I don't know. I don't really see anything different yet. I'll keep on working at it but I need something soon. Perhaps, I should have been using a measuring tape. Maybe then I would have seen something. Anything.

 

     Motivation time,

Don't be afraid to fail, be afraid to no have tried. Don't let the actions or words of others prevent you from reaching within yourself to find that little something that you are hanging on to. Don't allow yourself to not feel the guilt if you over eat. That guilt is your drive. It means that you are failing yourself. You will never be able to eat that way again. You need to know that you can eat anything but you have to keep it in moderation. Know that you can workout hard. You have proven that to yourself already. Make sure to understand though that some days are going to be better then others. Don't be afraid to take advantage of the good days and push it just a little bit harder.

11-26-1 2

     Monday...  Egad. It's almost done though. Today was the first day back to work for me in 8 days. It was kind of odd, it kind of felt good to be back at work. I think a lot of it was to get back to my regular routine. I think there is a little part of me that says, ok, first go to work, then go home. Eat. Workout. I think that's what it is. We also had our first snow that stuck to the ground today. All of about an inch. Still, it caused a lot of accidents and the phones where off the hook busy today. I like it busy so about half way though the day I decided on what I wanted to do for a workout. I decided that I was going to do the 3 mile walk from walk away the pounds and I wanted to do a quick yoga afterwards. I sent and e-mail off to the wife and it was agreed on.
     So I got home and could see very easy that the wife is exhausted. She should be in bed right now but it blogging  away. I told her to not worry about working out with me. She said she likes to and all that but I could just tell she doesn't have it in her. Plus she biked most of the way to work and all the way home today so it's not like she needed it. I decided that I could work out while she was reading to our daughter. In went walk away the pounds and to the 3 mile I went. I have to admit, I can understand why the wife says she likes that one so much. It was about 50 minutes long with the cool down and stretching.  However, I did not do the yoga after the walk. I am sore from last nights workout. I admit it. I think a day off is just what the body ordered. Also, tomorrow night I have my dart league so two full days off  of yoga. Wednesday night I will be ready to roll again.
     Running short on time tonight so right to the motivation. Tonight you worked out for the first time since you started this all by yourself and guess what, you did it. You did it just fine. Keep up that attitude and don't while you don't need to over do anything when you feel like you can it's ok to go for it a little. Go for your goal!

11-25-12

     So, over the last couple of days the wife and I have been doing duel workouts. Works for me since I can't run right now. Damn IT band. It's ok though. I am still a bit upset about that IT band but I know now that I was trying to do to much too soon. When I have it feeling better I'll do some walking on the treadmill but I am going to stay away from walking til after Christmas I think. Meanwhile doing yoga and walk away the pounds I should still be able to keep losing weight. I have been doing pretty well keeping track of the calories and I have a weigh in due in the morning. Let's hope all that water I had to drink this morning it out of the system by morning. If not I may have gained a pound.
     So, like I said, tonight we did Yoga and then we did Walk Away the Pounds 2 mile. I have to be honest, the yoga that we have been doing didn't exactly get me ready for tonight. We were doing all kinds of things that we hadn't really done before. One really nice thing though is that there was some push ups and sit ups involved with the selection that we turned on. I guess there are 7 of them on the DVD and also there is a way to "matrix" a few workouts together. It has left me tired and a bit sore. Both are good things!
     The two mile walk was nice and after the yoga we did it was enough. I am thinking it's probably time to move up to the three mile walk though as I still had a little more to give after the two mile. That fact right there is pretty nice to be able to state. So, that's it then, the wife and I are going to move on to the three mile walk from here on unless we just are not feeling it.
     So it's about that time I guess. Motivation time. However, instead of pure motivation tonight I think I am just going to give myself a list to follow. While my main goal here is weight loss I need to remember that it's about an overall wellness so here goes my list.

1. Think wellness not weight loss. The way I need to look at it is that with wellness the weight loss will happen. Keep in mind why I am doing this. The wife, the kids, myself.
2. Set reasonable goals. While it would be nice to think that I can go from not doing anything to running a 5K in 9 weeks, I ended up hurting my body trying. 
3. Limit but do not eliminate. Sometimes you just need a slice or two of pizza or a burger from Mcdonalds and that is ok. Just don't fall into the trap of doing it every night and day.
4. Pace yourself. This gets back to the fact that I hurt myself already trying to take on too much too fast. When the IT band is better don't just start running again. Build to it and you will be fine.
5. Celebrate the small victories. You need to set very small goals for yourself every week. Set yourself up to succeed and not to fail.
6. Keep working out with the wife. It's good to have an accountability partner. Someone to tell you good job once and a while and someone to say, you know it's ok to stop if you need to. Let her be your voice of reason. You'll need this more and more with time.
7. Somehow, (still need to figure this one out) I need to shut off the negative self talk. I need to stop bashing on myself if something doesn't go the way that I want it to or think it should.
8. Learn to recognize how far you have come. This one can be very tough because it always seems to take a long time before you notice anything good about yourself.(me anyways) So if you get a complement from someone don't be so quick to let it go over your head. Hear what they are saying and realize that it's true.
9. This one is right up my ally. I need a theme song like Rocky had. I think it would be cool to have a song that I can listen to and it would cue my body to get ready to go. (I'll have to work on this one)
10. Think of how good it will feel when you are back in a size 34 pant. For too long you have been in a 38 knowing all to well that there is an issue there. Remember, smaller clothes sometimes cost less. That will be money that I won't mine spending.

     So, there is a list of things for me to keep in mind. I hope to hell if the need arises that I can look back on this list and say "oh, there it is right there, I am ok." 

11-19-12

     Day...whatever, I am going to start just using the date for the blog titles. I simply can't keep track of how many days I have been trying to get back in shape. Anyway, let's start off with what I have been doing. I have been hunting a lot. I have also been in a bit of pain. Ok, maybe a little more then a bit of pain. I guess the pain is coming from something called the I T band? I am pretty sure it has nothing to do with a computer but everything to do with the outside of my right hip. I am being told that it normally comes from an imbalance of upper leg muscles. Looking at my legs, my quads are very large and my hamstrings are good size but apparently not strong enough to balance out my upper legs. As a result, I have pain. The kind that almost brought tears to my eyes the other day when the wife was trying to stretch me out. It's doing a little better at this point. I can walk. It's not perfect by any means. We did yoga tonight and it was hurting some. Not just the hip area though but the lower back. I have to assume that they are connected.
     So this week is the first real challenge to my diet. Happy Thanksgiving everyone. To say I am a bit nervous is an understatement. I don't feel like I can run yet so I guess its going to be long walks on the treadmill this week. I also have more hunting to do. Deer camp is great for that. I'll be walking a lot there. Still, with this damn injury or tightness, whatever you want to call it, I just don't think I should be running. No problem. I'll just need to walk, walk, and walk some more.
     Motivation time... 

This is the third week or so of my diet and I am feeling it. I am tired and sore. All will be ok though. I know that things will feel that way until my body stops the revolt. I understand that I didn't get out of shape over night and thus will not get back into shape over night. I am not looking for a "quick fix" or anything. Put in the effort and you will be rewarded. Do not fall off the train because of the holidays!!!  This is important...  trust yourself, and if that fails, trust your wife. Being fat sucks and I am sick of it! That's why it's important. NIKE!!

Day 6 a little late..

     So last night I got a new treadmill. It looks pretty cool and I can't wait until tomorrow night when I will be running on it. Last night was good though. The wife and I did a 1 mile walk away the pounds and I started using the strength bands a little to try and help rebuild my shoulders. After that we did about 20-24 minutes of Yoga. I am still tight as hell but I know it will get better. My only problem with yoga is this. Any ladies that might stumble on this sorry, my only problem with yoga is my balls. They seem to always be in my way. I put my legs together, boom in the way, I do locust  and my balls and penis are mashed into the floor. Honestly, I know other guys do yoga..  but how?
     Anyways, Tonight is my night off from working out. Instead I get to go and play darts. It's a good game that takes an incredible about of focus. I like it.
     Motivation time.
     So far, I have lost 11 pounds and it is feeling pretty good. Keep it up Chris. You are doing exactly what you want to do. You have laid it all out on the line. You will/must succeed.



Side Note: I will say that I am hungry a lot of the time but I figure I am eating on most days about 2/3 the calories that I was so to take 1/3 away is a pretty big deal. I know it's for the better though.

Last day of week one

     Well shit! I have been good all week, keeping myself going and pushing a little harder every day. Keep track of what I eat, keeping track of my exercise and then this happens?  Really?  Went downstairs tonight to do day 3 of C25K and I was feeling pretty good so I decided that I was going to walk a little faster then I was and I was going to run a little faster and longer then even the trainer wanted me to. I was just finishing my last run cycle and the damned treadmill broke. Honestly, it's like whatever I want to do in life something has to come around and fuck it up for me. It's so very frustrating. Anyways, the wife was on Craigslist before we were even back upstairs. There are a couple of treadmills right here in the town where we live and I hope that one of them comes though. I hate to spend the money on a treadmill but I can't stop. If I stop because of this I may not keep going. I need to stay with the highs and forget about the damned treadmill.

     Motivation time and then I have to run, my Bears around about to be on TV which doesn't happen much here in Vermont.

     You need to keep Running Chris, you know why?  Cause your fat enough to break a treadmill.  <-- it's kind of a joke..  one that will keep me going anyways.

-C

First weekend on the full on diet.

Day 4,
     Today stated out like most days, I got up, went to the town where I work. I didn't have to work today but I did have to pick up a car that has been sitting there for a few weeks to bring it home. Had to deal with a little bit of an issue with said car as well. The right rear brake was frozen from not having been used. Cool! Not! So, I did what any good redneck would do in the situation I was in. I got a hammer. With the hammer I adjusted the brakes to make them work and I came home. Anyways, tonight the wife and I did a workout. She has this old DVD called walk away the pounds. We (she) decided we should do a 2 mile walk. It went pretty well and I was able to get my heart rate up with it. There is a part in this walk that your supposed to use stretchy bands with your arms. I didn't do that tonight due to my bad shoulders but I think if I do it without a couple of times that I can work my way to using them and maybe get some strength back into these used up arms of mine. Well, just one little motivation before I go, I have to watch a show with the wife.

If you can't fly then run,
if you can't run then walk,
if you can't walk then craawl,
but whatever you do
you have to keep
moving forward.

Day 2.

Day 2,
     I said I wasn't going to do this everyday but here I am.  I have to do something to settle down after a workout. I may as well spend 15 minutes on the computer or so and put down my thoughts for the day and for the exercise. Today was an interesting day. My tummy was rumbling most of the day and it's simply just not happy with the idea that I want to lose weight. I look down at it and tell it tough! My belly, my rules and you will get smaller! So, I got home tonight and we had Tomato soup and that was pretty good. After, the wife and I decided on a yoga to do. Yoga for weight loss what the title of it. It was about 53 minutes long and I was able to almost keep up with it. Turns out, my old life style not only left me fat but I have lost most of my natural flexibility. I could cry about that one thing alone. It's something that I have always had pride about. Now, it's gone. I am sure I can get most of it back but with some of the various injuries I have had I don't think I will ever get it all back. It was good though. I can really find myself want to do it again. I'll work my way up to Julian someday.
     So, that was pretty much it for today. I think I'll start saying one reason why I am doing all this to myself when I post. It will be a good way for me to find some simple motivation at the click of a mouse. So, for tonight here goes.
     Remember why you are putting this strain on your body, it's for the greater good.
     For the next few months your working on yourself more then you thought you would.
     Work harder at this then you have in your life.
     Work to make the jaw drop of your most beautiful wife.
     Let your stresses out or they will come back to haunt you.
     Starting to understand this, what a break though.
     Want the wife to not just look at me with love,
     Want her to remember why she fell for me even though I was undeserving of.

     Wow..  broke out into poem there..  trust me, I will not do that one again. Still, the thoughts in there are true. I love her more today then the first day. I know that sometimes my brain makes more out of something then it should but sometimes it's not that far off. Either way it is what I am thinking. I have made myself a promise that if something pops in that I am going to bring it up with her. If it's not right or I am making too much of it I am going to have to trust her enough to trust me enough to open a dialog about it and tell me I am wrong. Low self-esteem + Fear of exclusion + Fat = a lot of things to work on. I can change. Will I get over all of these things?  I don't know. Will I work on it? You know it.

-C-

about a week in but the blog starts now

     Well, here it is.  I am fat. I am out of shape. I am not leading my children by example.  In short, I have become unhappy. I didn't feel like my wife and I were doing much of anything together, except looking at computer screens while in the same room without talking to each other. I didn't feel like I was able to properly participate in my children's activities this past summer because I didn't feel like I could "keep up." These things really started getting to me bad. When I would rather go for a bike ride or stay home because of the way I was feeling, it just made me more depressed.  I was getting upset with myself but didn't WANT to make the change. It wasn't until a few weeks ago that I started giving my marriage some thought. I am not the same person my wife married. How could she still be attracted to me. How could she want to be with me? Why wouldn't she want to find someone that will do all the outdoor activities that she is finding, and liking. As I said, depressed. It's the way my brain goes.
     The kicker here?  I was doing it all to myself. I know I was. The more she went and did with the kids, the more I was unhappy. My biggest fear, I have come to the conclusion of as of the last 5 months or so is exclusion. I don't like it at all and will act way out of my normal calm self if I start to feel that way. However, by not being able to or not wanting to do anything with my family this summer I was excluding myself. Downward spiral much?  So, about a week ago or so I decided, once and for all, I am going to change my body. I may never be the athlete I was in high school again, but I don't know if my family would want that. I may not have the metabolism I had in high school. I may not recover as fast as I once did but I am going to do it.
So, that's my back story, it's the why I have to do this anyways. It's the motivation that I will need to fall back on once and a while. My children, my wife, myself, my family. Obviously I am going to need to fall back on them from time to time. I will need that push. I promise that I will. All I am, and all that I have is love my my family for whom I would do anything for. In this case, the anything is to buckle down and get off my ass.
     So, I guess I need to put it out there. As of last week I weighed 240lbs. I started to diet. I want to get down to at least 200lbs. My body type is such (because of a lot of hours in the gym) that I don't think I would look very good much under 200lbs. However, I plan on getting to 200lbs and then seeing how I look and feel. My plan is to use my fitness pal  to keep track of things as I progress. My user name is chrislague if you care to have a friend on there. Anyways, I have lost 3 lbs so far by just changing what I was eating and, I think, more importantly keeping track of what I am eating. As of today, I have started running on my treadmill.  For that I am using an app for my Windows phone called C25K.  C25K, or couch to 5K is a running trainer designed to get somebody off the couch and running a 5K in 9 weeks at 3 times per week. 27 runs on the treadmill?  Sounds good.
After tonight I think I may have to make it a 10 week. I was weak and couldn't make every run cycle for the full time.  It is kind of a cool app though even if it is mostly just a time that will once and a while tell you to when to walk, run, or cool down.
     So, C25K is one tool in the effort to get back into shape. As I said, it is 3 days a week. The other thing that I am going to do is 3 days of yoga.  At one point the wife was doing yoga almost daily and she not only seemed to really like it but it was almost addictive for her. I used to be very flexible and I hope that yoga will get me a limber again. I also think that it may help me to run a bit better. I may not be an athlete anymore but my legs are the size of a football players. The problem with that is that when I do certain types of exercise the blood pours into my calves and they cramp up. Bad. It started to happen tonight and I wanted so much to stop running to give them a break. This is where I can depend on my wife. She was right down there with me riding a stationary bike looking right at me. If I would have stopped she would have had permission to get me going someway. I will and do need her to help me though this. At least for the first couple of weeks. They are going to be tough, I can feel it already. 30 minutes on the treadmill and my legs are throbbing.
I think that I have written enough for a first blog.  I can't tell you how often I'll write here.  I am going to try to be more focused on my goal then on a blog but I will check back from time to time and update my progress.
     If you have read all this, thanks! I'll even ask you to think of me on my journey and wish me well. I know I am going to need it!

-C