So, my body has pretty much done it all today. Truth be told, I needed it. I have been feeling like I have been slipping a bit and loosing a bit of motivation due to not being able to see the changes. I think I have said it on here before but I don't exactly have the most positive of body images so even if others are telling me they can see it, the problem is that I don't. So, tonight I'll post some pictures that were taken of me last week. I'll just keep looking until I see something positive. I just hope it's soon. I really need it. I haven't talked to the wife about how bad I am feeling about all this yet though, I suppose, she will read it here. It's not something I am completely comfortable speaking of in person. Sometimes, this blog is a sounding board for me and that is just going to have to be ok.
Last night was my company's Christmas party. I had a good time. The wife and I got to dress up all pretty like and go out without the kids and without any friends. It was pretty nice and there is a little part of me that can't wait for the kids to be older so we can do it a little more often.(not that I am in a hurry for them to grow up by any means) Anyways, at the party there was so really good food and I was a bit surprised at myself. Until last night I had eaten whatever was out but I would really try to control it and if it was too much I would really feel bad about it. Kind of like an addict getting caught doing what it was they were addicted to I would think. Not last night though. Last night I just dug in and filled myself up. I think I had more to eat in that meal then I did at either one of the Thanksgiving meals that I had. I did it and I didn't feel bad about it at all. This is a very slippery slop for me I think. I can't let it happen again. Everyone always says to me that it's ok once and a while, the problem is that if I let myself find comfort in food I may mess everything up that I have worked so hard to accomplish. Keep this in mind for the holidays Chris. It's important.
So this is how I am looking as of last week. I don't know. I don't really see anything different yet. I'll keep on working at it but I need something soon. Perhaps, I should have been using a measuring tape. Maybe then I would have seen something. Anything.
Don't be afraid to fail, be afraid to no have tried. Don't let the actions or words of others prevent you from reaching within yourself to find that little something that you are hanging on to. Don't allow yourself to not feel the guilt if you over eat. That guilt is your drive. It means that you are failing yourself. You will never be able to eat that way again. You need to know that you can eat anything but you have to keep it in moderation. Know that you can workout hard. You have proven that to yourself already. Make sure to understand though that some days are going to be better then others. Don't be afraid to take advantage of the good days and push it just a little bit harder.