Monday... Egad. It's almost done though. Today was the first day back to work for me in 8 days. It was kind of odd, it kind of felt good to be back at work. I think a lot of it was to get back to my regular routine. I think there is a little part of me that says, ok, first go to work, then go home. Eat. Workout. I think that's what it is. We also had our first snow that stuck to the ground today. All of about an inch. Still, it caused a lot of accidents and the phones where off the hook busy today. I like it busy so about half way though the day I decided on what I wanted to do for a workout. I decided that I was going to do the 3 mile walk from walk away the pounds and I wanted to do a quick yoga afterwards. I sent and e-mail off to the wife and it was agreed on.
So I got home and could see very easy that the wife is exhausted. She should be in bed right now but it blogging away. I told her to not worry about working out with me. She said she likes to and all that but I could just tell she doesn't have it in her. Plus she biked most of the way to work and all the way home today so it's not like she needed it. I decided that I could work out while she was reading to our daughter. In went walk away the pounds and to the 3 mile I went. I have to admit, I can understand why the wife says she likes that one so much. It was about 50 minutes long with the cool down and stretching. However, I did not do the yoga after the walk. I am sore from last nights workout. I admit it. I think a day off is just what the body ordered. Also, tomorrow night I have my dart league so two full days off of yoga. Wednesday night I will be ready to roll again.
Running short on time tonight so right to the motivation. Tonight you worked out for the first time since you started this all by yourself and guess what, you did it. You did it just fine. Keep up that attitude and don't while you don't need to over do anything when you feel like you can it's ok to go for it a little. Go for your goal!
Monday, November 26, 2012
Sunday, November 25, 2012
11-25-12
So, over the last couple of days the wife and I have been doing duel workouts. Works for me since I can't run right now. Damn IT band. It's ok though. I am still a bit upset about that IT band but I know now that I was trying to do to much too soon. When I have it feeling better I'll do some walking on the treadmill but I am going to stay away from walking til after Christmas I think. Meanwhile doing yoga and walk away the pounds I should still be able to keep losing weight. I have been doing pretty well keeping track of the calories and I have a weigh in due in the morning. Let's hope all that water I had to drink this morning it out of the system by morning. If not I may have gained a pound.
So, like I said, tonight we did Yoga and then we did Walk Away the Pounds 2 mile. I have to be honest, the yoga that we have been doing didn't exactly get me ready for tonight. We were doing all kinds of things that we hadn't really done before. One really nice thing though is that there was some push ups and sit ups involved with the selection that we turned on. I guess there are 7 of them on the DVD and also there is a way to "matrix" a few workouts together. It has left me tired and a bit sore. Both are good things!
The two mile walk was nice and after the yoga we did it was enough. I am thinking it's probably time to move up to the three mile walk though as I still had a little more to give after the two mile. That fact right there is pretty nice to be able to state. So, that's it then, the wife and I are going to move on to the three mile walk from here on unless we just are not feeling it.
So it's about that time I guess. Motivation time. However, instead of pure motivation tonight I think I am just going to give myself a list to follow. While my main goal here is weight loss I need to remember that it's about an overall wellness so here goes my list.
So, like I said, tonight we did Yoga and then we did Walk Away the Pounds 2 mile. I have to be honest, the yoga that we have been doing didn't exactly get me ready for tonight. We were doing all kinds of things that we hadn't really done before. One really nice thing though is that there was some push ups and sit ups involved with the selection that we turned on. I guess there are 7 of them on the DVD and also there is a way to "matrix" a few workouts together. It has left me tired and a bit sore. Both are good things!
The two mile walk was nice and after the yoga we did it was enough. I am thinking it's probably time to move up to the three mile walk though as I still had a little more to give after the two mile. That fact right there is pretty nice to be able to state. So, that's it then, the wife and I are going to move on to the three mile walk from here on unless we just are not feeling it.
So it's about that time I guess. Motivation time. However, instead of pure motivation tonight I think I am just going to give myself a list to follow. While my main goal here is weight loss I need to remember that it's about an overall wellness so here goes my list.
- Think wellness not weight loss. The way I need to look at it is that with wellness the weight loss will happen. Keep in mind why I am doing this. The wife, the kids, myself.
- Set reasonable goals. While it would be nice to think that I can go from not doing anything to running a 5K in 9 weeks, I ended up hurting my body trying.
- Limit but do not eliminate. Sometimes you just need a slice or two of pizza or a burger from Mcdonalds and that is ok. Just don't fall into the trap of doing it every night and day.
- Pace yourself. This gets back to the fact that I hurt myself already trying to take on too much too fast. When the IT band is better don't just start running again. Build to it and you will be fine.
- Celebrate the small victories. You need to set very small goals for yourself every week. Set yourself up to succeed and not to fail.
- Keep working out with the wife. It's good to have an accountability partner. Someone to tell you good job once and a while and someone to say, you know it's ok to stop if you need to. Let her be your voice of reason. You'll need this more and more with time.
- Somehow, (still need to figure this one out) I need to shut off the negative self talk. I need to stop bashing on myself if something doesn't go the way that I want it to or think it should.
- Learn to recognize how far you have come. This one can be very tough because it always seems to take a long time before you notice anything good about yourself.(me anyways) So if you get a complement from someone don't be so quick to let it go over your head. Hear what they are saying and realize that it's true.
- This one is right up my ally. I need a theme song like Rocky had. I think it would be cool to have a song that I can listen to and it would cue my body to get ready to go. (I'll have to work on this one)
- Think of how good it will feel when you are back in a size 34 pant. For too long you have been in a 38 knowing all to well that there is an issue there. Remember, smaller clothes sometimes cost less. That will be money that I won't mine spending.
So, there is a list of things for me to keep in mind. I hope to hell if the need arises that I can look back on this list and say "oh, there it is right there, I am ok."
Friday, November 23, 2012
11-23-12 take two
I wasn't going to do this. I took the pictures but I was going to keep them to myself. However, I need to keep my motivation high over the next 5 weeks because of the holidays and to show myself that I am moving in the right direction. I'll take pictures every couple of weeks from now on. In fact I'll have the wife take them so they come out a little better. Sorry for the quality :(
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| From Week 1. Took these right before starting this blog |
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| From Week 1. Took these right before starting this blog |
11-23-12
Happy day after Thanksgiving all. Hope you all made it out without hurting yourself. Me? Nope. I did exactly what I didn't want to do. Sure it's ok to give yourself a day off every now and again. What I did yesterday though... well, I don't feel good about it. Anyways, it's over and I need to continue on. So as it's not even noon yet and I haven't worked out yet today I figure I need to think about what it is that makes me eat. There has to be some sort of trigger. If I can eat well on one day and completely over do it the next, that has to be on me right?
Right now it's about 10 minutes to 12. I just checked on a few things and my stress level is though the roof. I can't focus on anything else (which is why I am writing) and I feel like I want to eat. I mean, I want to really eat. Ok. So, stress is obviously one of my triggers. Considering my job and a few other things, I think I am going to have to find a way to get over stress the most. I am normally a very calm person and it does take a lot for me to get my stress level up. The problem is that I'll hold it for far too long. I wish I knew why but I don't. I know that when my body can't take anymore my heart starts to pound, my body shakes, and it's really just anger at that point that I am trying to hold back. Yesterday, after I figured out my calorie count I was very mad. Very upset with myself. Almost to the point of tears. I love my wife, and I can't thank her enough for reminding me that it will be alright. The problem is that while I hear her my brain is busy bashing the rest of me. That creates more stress and then, guess what. I want to eat.
I know the other thing that gets me is that when I am bored. I have been called Eeyore at times and it's something that I don't want to be. Sometimes, I feel that I might warrant that name but often times I think I am misunderstood because I am not an overly talkative. Some may also think of this as being bored. I don't like that I have taken to calling myself Eeyore but yes, sometimes it does fit. The bad part is that while I know it fits it's a way to talk down to myself. Whatever it is, I mostly get that way when I am bored or tired. When I feel like that, I want to eat.
Nothing like being your own therapist eh?
Anyways, I am not completely upset with myself. I am trying to find the bright side of things as of late. I really am. Even with the outside forces kicking me in the balls. Yesterday, at the in-laws, before we had our Thanksgiving meal my wife and her sisters decided to go for a walk. They asked me to go. I think I may have surprised them a little by saying yes. I know if Thanksgiving were just 3 weeks ago I would have. It would have been just another time that I wouldn't have felt like I could keep up, or I might feel embarrassed if I got out of breath during a walk. I couldn't have put myself though that. I would have again, excluded myself. However, not yesterday! Yesterday I said yes. One of my brothers-in-law came with us so we had our 5. We went for about a 20 minute walk and not one time did I start to get out of breath. Not one time did I feel tired or like I couldn't go as far as the others. I felt, good. I was hearing some of the others breathing a little hard as we walked against the wind. Not me. Not my wife. We could have kept going. Just Wednesday we had walked after a Thanksgiving lunch at my parents and we were both fine. (IT band aside) I must admit, I was kind of proud of myself at that moment. These are the things to keep me going. These little things that my brain will pick out of an entire day to motivate me.
Enough for now, motivation time:
Look how far you have come in 3 weeks. While your not running a 5k yet you know in your heart you could walk it at a pretty good pace. This is the first time in a very long time that I allowed others not in my home to see me "exercise" and the fact that I did so is a very very large step for me. I hate feeling embarrassed.
Right now it's about 10 minutes to 12. I just checked on a few things and my stress level is though the roof. I can't focus on anything else (which is why I am writing) and I feel like I want to eat. I mean, I want to really eat. Ok. So, stress is obviously one of my triggers. Considering my job and a few other things, I think I am going to have to find a way to get over stress the most. I am normally a very calm person and it does take a lot for me to get my stress level up. The problem is that I'll hold it for far too long. I wish I knew why but I don't. I know that when my body can't take anymore my heart starts to pound, my body shakes, and it's really just anger at that point that I am trying to hold back. Yesterday, after I figured out my calorie count I was very mad. Very upset with myself. Almost to the point of tears. I love my wife, and I can't thank her enough for reminding me that it will be alright. The problem is that while I hear her my brain is busy bashing the rest of me. That creates more stress and then, guess what. I want to eat.
I know the other thing that gets me is that when I am bored. I have been called Eeyore at times and it's something that I don't want to be. Sometimes, I feel that I might warrant that name but often times I think I am misunderstood because I am not an overly talkative. Some may also think of this as being bored. I don't like that I have taken to calling myself Eeyore but yes, sometimes it does fit. The bad part is that while I know it fits it's a way to talk down to myself. Whatever it is, I mostly get that way when I am bored or tired. When I feel like that, I want to eat.
Nothing like being your own therapist eh?
Anyways, I am not completely upset with myself. I am trying to find the bright side of things as of late. I really am. Even with the outside forces kicking me in the balls. Yesterday, at the in-laws, before we had our Thanksgiving meal my wife and her sisters decided to go for a walk. They asked me to go. I think I may have surprised them a little by saying yes. I know if Thanksgiving were just 3 weeks ago I would have. It would have been just another time that I wouldn't have felt like I could keep up, or I might feel embarrassed if I got out of breath during a walk. I couldn't have put myself though that. I would have again, excluded myself. However, not yesterday! Yesterday I said yes. One of my brothers-in-law came with us so we had our 5. We went for about a 20 minute walk and not one time did I start to get out of breath. Not one time did I feel tired or like I couldn't go as far as the others. I felt, good. I was hearing some of the others breathing a little hard as we walked against the wind. Not me. Not my wife. We could have kept going. Just Wednesday we had walked after a Thanksgiving lunch at my parents and we were both fine. (IT band aside) I must admit, I was kind of proud of myself at that moment. These are the things to keep me going. These little things that my brain will pick out of an entire day to motivate me.
Enough for now, motivation time:
Look how far you have come in 3 weeks. While your not running a 5k yet you know in your heart you could walk it at a pretty good pace. This is the first time in a very long time that I allowed others not in my home to see me "exercise" and the fact that I did so is a very very large step for me. I hate feeling embarrassed.
Monday, November 19, 2012
11-19-12
Day...whatever, I am going to start just using the date for the blog titles. I simply can't keep track of how many days I have been trying to get back in shape. Anyway, let's start off with what I have been doing. I have been hunting a lot. I have also been in a bit of pain. Ok, maybe a little more then a bit of pain. I guess the pain is coming from something called the I T band? I am pretty sure it has nothing to do with a computer but everything to do with the outside of my right hip. I am being told that it normally comes from an imbalance of upper leg muscles. Looking at my legs, my quads are very large and my hamstrings are good size but apparently not strong enough to balance out my upper legs. As a result, I have pain. The kind that almost brought tears to my eyes the other day when the wife was trying to stretch me out. It's doing a little better at this point. I can walk. It's not perfect by any means. We did yoga tonight and it was hurting some. Not just the hip area though but the lower back. I have to assume that they are connected.
So this week is the first real challenge to my diet. Happy Thanksgiving everyone. To say I am a bit nervous is an understatement. I don't feel like I can run yet so I guess its going to be long walks on the treadmill this week. I also have more hunting to do. Deer camp is great for that. I'll be walking a lot there. Still, with this damn injury or tightness, whatever you want to call it, I just don't think I should be running. No problem. I'll just need to walk, walk, and walk some more.
Motivation time...
This is the third week or so of my diet and I am feeling it. I am tired and sore. All will be ok though. I know that things will feel that way until my body stops the revolt. I understand that I didn't get out of shape over night and thus will not get back into shape over night. I am not looking for a "quick fix" or anything. Put in the effort and you will be rewarded. Do not fall off the train because of the holidays!!! This is important... trust yourself, and if that fails, trust your wife. Being fat sucks and I am sick of it! That's why it's important. NIKE!!
So this week is the first real challenge to my diet. Happy Thanksgiving everyone. To say I am a bit nervous is an understatement. I don't feel like I can run yet so I guess its going to be long walks on the treadmill this week. I also have more hunting to do. Deer camp is great for that. I'll be walking a lot there. Still, with this damn injury or tightness, whatever you want to call it, I just don't think I should be running. No problem. I'll just need to walk, walk, and walk some more.
Motivation time...
This is the third week or so of my diet and I am feeling it. I am tired and sore. All will be ok though. I know that things will feel that way until my body stops the revolt. I understand that I didn't get out of shape over night and thus will not get back into shape over night. I am not looking for a "quick fix" or anything. Put in the effort and you will be rewarded. Do not fall off the train because of the holidays!!! This is important... trust yourself, and if that fails, trust your wife. Being fat sucks and I am sick of it! That's why it's important. NIKE!!
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Day 8
Back on the treadmill. For the first time? Yep, got to run on the new (used) treadmill tonight. Had a good session. The program has changed for week 2 and now has me running 1:30 minutes walking for 2:00. Good intervals and I was able to do it though I must admit that the last run interval I was sucking wind pretty bad. I really am out of shape. Besides that, my ass hurts. That's not all, my hamstrings and my calves hurt. My legs don't like what I am doing to them I suppose. It's all good though, the wife already said she would give me a rub and that should help loosen me up a bit.
On the food watch, today I was hungry again. I was tired toward the end of the day even taking to sitting in a chair a few times which is not something that I normally do. Is this just because I am tired from lack of sleep or because I am not eating what my body would consider enough. I don't know. I'll chalk it up to just plain tired for a few more days. If I don't snap out of it I'll have to look at bumping my calories up a bit. Wait, no, I won't. I'll have to try and focus on eating the amount of calories I am allowed. Hell, tonight after I logged my workout I have 468 to go. I am going to have to eat a snack of some sort to close the gap a little.
Motivation time:
Your legs are sore, that means that you are doing something. Don't stop. Keep eating well. Your goals will come to you if you help them. You have the support of the most important person in your life. Don't screw that up. If you are feeling tired, look at her. This is enough to make you do anything needed.
-C
On the food watch, today I was hungry again. I was tired toward the end of the day even taking to sitting in a chair a few times which is not something that I normally do. Is this just because I am tired from lack of sleep or because I am not eating what my body would consider enough. I don't know. I'll chalk it up to just plain tired for a few more days. If I don't snap out of it I'll have to look at bumping my calories up a bit. Wait, no, I won't. I'll have to try and focus on eating the amount of calories I am allowed. Hell, tonight after I logged my workout I have 468 to go. I am going to have to eat a snack of some sort to close the gap a little.
Motivation time:
Your legs are sore, that means that you are doing something. Don't stop. Keep eating well. Your goals will come to you if you help them. You have the support of the most important person in your life. Don't screw that up. If you are feeling tired, look at her. This is enough to make you do anything needed.
-C
When to eat and when not to???
I like the way things are going so far but found this little article today. It talks about food and when to and when not to eat it. Good information even if we don't follow it.
-C
-C
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Day 6 a little late..
So last night I got a new treadmill. It looks pretty cool and I can't wait until tomorrow night when I will be running on it. Last night was good though. The wife and I did a 1 mile walk away the pounds and I started using the strength bands a little to try and help rebuild my shoulders. After that we did about 20-24 minutes of Yoga. I am still tight as hell but I know it will get better. My only problem with yoga is this. Any ladies that might stumble on this sorry, my only problem with yoga is my balls. They seem to always be in my way. I put my legs together, boom in the way, I do locust and my balls and penis are mashed into the floor. Honestly, I know other guys do yoga.. but how?
Anyways, Tonight is my night off from working out. Instead I get to go and play darts. It's a good game that takes an incredible about of focus. I like it.
Motivation time.
So far, I have lost 11 pounds and it is feeling pretty good. Keep it up Chris. You are doing exactly what you want to do. You have laid it all out on the line. You will/must succeed.
Side Note: I will say that I am hungry a lot of the time but I figure I am eating on most days about 2/3 the calories that I was so to take 1/3 away is a pretty big deal. I know it's for the better though.
Anyways, Tonight is my night off from working out. Instead I get to go and play darts. It's a good game that takes an incredible about of focus. I like it.
Motivation time.
So far, I have lost 11 pounds and it is feeling pretty good. Keep it up Chris. You are doing exactly what you want to do. You have laid it all out on the line. You will/must succeed.
Side Note: I will say that I am hungry a lot of the time but I figure I am eating on most days about 2/3 the calories that I was so to take 1/3 away is a pretty big deal. I know it's for the better though.
non workout related but true
The truth about social media
Something I found on MSN.com that has nothing at all to do with working out but has a lot to do with my motivation.
-C
I'll blog later tonight
Something I found on MSN.com that has nothing at all to do with working out but has a lot to do with my motivation.
-C
I'll blog later tonight
Sunday, November 11, 2012
Last day of week one
Well shit! I have been good all week, keeping myself going and pushing a little harder every day. Keep track of what I eat, keeping track of my exercise and then this happens? Really? Went downstairs tonight to do day 3 of C25K and I was feeling pretty good so I decided that I was going to walk a little faster then I was and I was going to run a little faster and longer then even the trainer wanted me to. I was just finishing my last run cycle and the damned treadmill broke. Honestly, it's like whatever I want to do in life something has to come around and fuck it up for me. It's so very frustrating. Anyways, the wife was on Craigslist before we were even back upstairs. There are a couple of treadmills right here in the town where we live and I hope that one of them comes though. I hate to spend the money on a treadmill but I can't stop. If I stop because of this I may not keep going. I need to stay with the highs and forget about the damned treadmill.
Motivation time and then I have to run, my Bears around about to be on TV which doesn't happen much here in Vermont.
You need to keep Running Chris, you know why? Cause your fat enough to break a treadmill. <-- it's kind of a joke.. one that will keep me going anyways.
-C
Motivation time and then I have to run, my Bears around about to be on TV which doesn't happen much here in Vermont.
You need to keep Running Chris, you know why? Cause your fat enough to break a treadmill. <-- it's kind of a joke.. one that will keep me going anyways.
-C
Saturday, November 10, 2012
First weekend on the full on diet.
Day 4,
Today stated out like most days, I got up, went to the town where I work. I didn't have to work today but I did have to pick up a car that has been sitting there for a few weeks to bring it home. Had to deal with a little bit of an issue with said car as well. The right rear brake was frozen from not having been used. Cool! Not! So, I did what any good redneck would do in the situation I was in. I got a hammer. With the hammer I adjusted the brakes to make them work and I came home. Anyways, tonight the wife and I did a workout. She has this old DVD called walk away the pounds. We (she) decided we should do a 2 mile walk. It went pretty well and I was able to get my heart rate up with it. There is a part in this walk that your supposed to use stretchy bands with your arms. I didn't do that tonight due to my bad shoulders but I think if I do it without a couple of times that I can work my way to using them and maybe get some strength back into these used up arms of mine. Well, just one little motivation before I go, I have to watch a show with the wife.
If you can't fly then run,
if you can't run then walk,
if you can't walk then craawl,
but whatever you do
you have to keep
moving forward.
Today stated out like most days, I got up, went to the town where I work. I didn't have to work today but I did have to pick up a car that has been sitting there for a few weeks to bring it home. Had to deal with a little bit of an issue with said car as well. The right rear brake was frozen from not having been used. Cool! Not! So, I did what any good redneck would do in the situation I was in. I got a hammer. With the hammer I adjusted the brakes to make them work and I came home. Anyways, tonight the wife and I did a workout. She has this old DVD called walk away the pounds. We (she) decided we should do a 2 mile walk. It went pretty well and I was able to get my heart rate up with it. There is a part in this walk that your supposed to use stretchy bands with your arms. I didn't do that tonight due to my bad shoulders but I think if I do it without a couple of times that I can work my way to using them and maybe get some strength back into these used up arms of mine. Well, just one little motivation before I go, I have to watch a show with the wife.
If you can't fly then run,
if you can't run then walk,
if you can't walk then craawl,
but whatever you do
you have to keep
moving forward.
Friday, November 9, 2012
1st full week of keeping track
Day 3-
A quick note today, I need to stop writing books here. I mean, I want this to be a bit of a diary/journal for me that I am willing to put out there on the web but damn.. 20 minutes of typing is too much time for me to spend on my computer right now. Just don't wanna.
Anyways, I did a weigh in tonight and have found that I have lost 6 pounds this week. Some of it may be water, I am willing to admit that but I think most of it is just keeping track of how much food I am putting in my mouth. So, yeah, 6 pounds and a lot more to go. I wonder, will I be able to see my body change or not? I spoke about my low self-esteem yesterday and I really don't want it to get in the way or make me go to far with the weight loss. I'll again, lean on the wife to help me to my conclusion. Did I mention that I am so damned lucky to have her?
Well, for exercise tonight I did day two of C25K. Tonight, I did way better then the first night. I hit every mark to run and I didn't feel like I was going to die(as much). The wife was again, at my side riding her bike and when we were done there she came upstairs and did a quick yoga while I took a shower. When I came out and she was almost done I thought that it would have been something cool for me to do as well so perhaps next time I will.
Simple motivation time.
I can do this. I have already begun the process. I have already lost 6 pounds without any bad things happening. I know I can do more! I will lose the weight I want to. I will go down in the size of my pants. I have to for my family.
A quick note today, I need to stop writing books here. I mean, I want this to be a bit of a diary/journal for me that I am willing to put out there on the web but damn.. 20 minutes of typing is too much time for me to spend on my computer right now. Just don't wanna.
Anyways, I did a weigh in tonight and have found that I have lost 6 pounds this week. Some of it may be water, I am willing to admit that but I think most of it is just keeping track of how much food I am putting in my mouth. So, yeah, 6 pounds and a lot more to go. I wonder, will I be able to see my body change or not? I spoke about my low self-esteem yesterday and I really don't want it to get in the way or make me go to far with the weight loss. I'll again, lean on the wife to help me to my conclusion. Did I mention that I am so damned lucky to have her?
Well, for exercise tonight I did day two of C25K. Tonight, I did way better then the first night. I hit every mark to run and I didn't feel like I was going to die(as much). The wife was again, at my side riding her bike and when we were done there she came upstairs and did a quick yoga while I took a shower. When I came out and she was almost done I thought that it would have been something cool for me to do as well so perhaps next time I will.
Simple motivation time.
I can do this. I have already begun the process. I have already lost 6 pounds without any bad things happening. I know I can do more! I will lose the weight I want to. I will go down in the size of my pants. I have to for my family.
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Day 2.
Day 2,
I said I wasn't going to do this everyday but here I am. I have to do something to settle down after a workout. I may as well spend 15 minutes on the computer or so and put down my thoughts for the day and for the exercise. Today was an interesting day. My tummy was rumbling most of the day and it's simply just not happy with the idea that I want to lose weight. I look down at it and tell it tough! My belly, my rules and you will get smaller! So, I got home tonight and we had Tomato soup and that was pretty good. After, the wife and I decided on a yoga to do. Yoga for weight loss what the title of it. It was about 53 minutes long and I was able to almost keep up with it. Turns out, my old life style not only left me fat but I have lost most of my natural flexibility. I could cry about that one thing alone. It's something that I have always had pride about. Now, it's gone. I am sure I can get most of it back but with some of the various injuries I have had I don't think I will ever get it all back. It was good though. I can really find myself want to do it again. I'll work my way up to Julian someday.
So, that was pretty much it for today. I think I'll start saying one reason why I am doing all this to myself when I post. It will be a good way for me to find some simple motivation at the click of a mouse. So, for tonight here goes.
Remember why you are putting this strain on your body, it's for the greater good.
For the next few months your working on yourself more then you thought you would.
Work harder at this then you have in your life.
Work to make the jaw drop of your most beautiful wife.
Let your stresses out or they will come back to haunt you.
Starting to understand this, what a break though.
Want the wife to not just look at me with love,
Want her to remember why she fell for me even though I was undeserving of.
Wow.. broke out into poem there.. trust me, I will not do that one again. Still, the thoughts in there are true. I love her more today then the first day. I know that sometimes my brain makes more out of something then it should but sometimes it's not that far off. Either way it is what I am thinking. I have made myself a promise that if something pops in that I am going to bring it up with her. If it's not right or I am making too much of it I am going to have to trust her enough to trust me enough to open a dialog about it and tell me I am wrong. Low self-esteem + Fear of exclusion + Fat = a lot of things to work on. I can change. Will I get over all of these things? I don't know. Will I work on it? You know it.
-C-
I said I wasn't going to do this everyday but here I am. I have to do something to settle down after a workout. I may as well spend 15 minutes on the computer or so and put down my thoughts for the day and for the exercise. Today was an interesting day. My tummy was rumbling most of the day and it's simply just not happy with the idea that I want to lose weight. I look down at it and tell it tough! My belly, my rules and you will get smaller! So, I got home tonight and we had Tomato soup and that was pretty good. After, the wife and I decided on a yoga to do. Yoga for weight loss what the title of it. It was about 53 minutes long and I was able to almost keep up with it. Turns out, my old life style not only left me fat but I have lost most of my natural flexibility. I could cry about that one thing alone. It's something that I have always had pride about. Now, it's gone. I am sure I can get most of it back but with some of the various injuries I have had I don't think I will ever get it all back. It was good though. I can really find myself want to do it again. I'll work my way up to Julian someday.
So, that was pretty much it for today. I think I'll start saying one reason why I am doing all this to myself when I post. It will be a good way for me to find some simple motivation at the click of a mouse. So, for tonight here goes.
Remember why you are putting this strain on your body, it's for the greater good.
For the next few months your working on yourself more then you thought you would.
Work harder at this then you have in your life.
Work to make the jaw drop of your most beautiful wife.
Let your stresses out or they will come back to haunt you.
Starting to understand this, what a break though.
Want the wife to not just look at me with love,
Want her to remember why she fell for me even though I was undeserving of.
Wow.. broke out into poem there.. trust me, I will not do that one again. Still, the thoughts in there are true. I love her more today then the first day. I know that sometimes my brain makes more out of something then it should but sometimes it's not that far off. Either way it is what I am thinking. I have made myself a promise that if something pops in that I am going to bring it up with her. If it's not right or I am making too much of it I am going to have to trust her enough to trust me enough to open a dialog about it and tell me I am wrong. Low self-esteem + Fear of exclusion + Fat = a lot of things to work on. I can change. Will I get over all of these things? I don't know. Will I work on it? You know it.
-C-
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
about a week in but the blog starts now
Well, here it is. I am fat. I am out of shape. I am not leading my children by example. In short, I have become unhappy. I didn't feel like my wife and I were doing much of anything together, except looking at computer screens while in the same room without talking to each other. I didn't feel like I was able to properly participate in my children's activities this past summer because I didn't feel like I could "keep up." These things really started getting to me bad. When I would rather go for a bike ride or stay home because of the way I was feeling, it just made me more depressed. I was getting upset with myself but didn't WANT to make the change. It wasn't until a few weeks ago that I started giving my marriage some thought. I am not the same person my wife married. How could she still be attracted to me. How could she want to be with me? Why wouldn't she want to find someone that will do all the outdoor activities that she is finding, and liking. As I said, depressed. It's the way my brain goes.
The kicker here? I was doing it all to myself. I know I was. The more she went and did with the kids, the more I was unhappy. My biggest fear, I have come to the conclusion of as of the last 5 months or so is exclusion. I don't like it at all and will act way out of my normal calm self if I start to feel that way. However, by not being able to or not wanting to do anything with my family this summer I was excluding myself. Downward spiral much? So, about a week ago or so I decided, once and for all, I am going to change my body. I may never be the athlete I was in high school again, but I don't know if my family would want that. I may not have the metabolism I had in high school. I may not recover as fast as I once did but I am going to do it.
So, that's my back story, it's the why I have to do this anyways. It's the motivation that I will need to fall back on once and a while. My children, my wife, myself, my family. Obviously I am going to need to fall back on them from time to time. I will need that push. I promise that I will. All I am, and all that I have is love my my family for whom I would do anything for. In this case, the anything is to buckle down and get off my ass.
So, I guess I need to put it out there. As of last week I weighed 240lbs. I started to diet. I want to get down to at least 200lbs. My body type is such (because of a lot of hours in the gym) that I don't think I would look very good much under 200lbs. However, I plan on getting to 200lbs and then seeing how I look and feel. My plan is to use my fitness pal to keep track of things as I progress. My user name is chrislague if you care to have a friend on there. Anyways, I have lost 3 lbs so far by just changing what I was eating and, I think, more importantly keeping track of what I am eating. As of today, I have started running on my treadmill. For that I am using an app for my Windows phone called C25K. C25K, or couch to 5K is a running trainer designed to get somebody off the couch and running a 5K in 9 weeks at 3 times per week. 27 runs on the treadmill? Sounds good.
After tonight I think I may have to make it a 10 week. I was weak and couldn't make every run cycle for the full time. It is kind of a cool app though even if it is mostly just a time that will once and a while tell you to when to walk, run, or cool down.
So, C25K is one tool in the effort to get back into shape. As I said, it is 3 days a week. The other thing that I am going to do is 3 days of yoga. At one point the wife was doing yoga almost daily and she not only seemed to really like it but it was almost addictive for her. I used to be very flexible and I hope that yoga will get me a limber again. I also think that it may help me to run a bit better. I may not be an athlete anymore but my legs are the size of a football players. The problem with that is that when I do certain types of exercise the blood pours into my calves and they cramp up. Bad. It started to happen tonight and I wanted so much to stop running to give them a break. This is where I can depend on my wife. She was right down there with me riding a stationary bike looking right at me. If I would have stopped she would have had permission to get me going someway. I will and do need her to help me though this. At least for the first couple of weeks. They are going to be tough, I can feel it already. 30 minutes on the treadmill and my legs are throbbing.
I think that I have written enough for a first blog. I can't tell you how often I'll write here. I am going to try to be more focused on my goal then on a blog but I will check back from time to time and update my progress.
If you have read all this, thanks! I'll even ask you to think of me on my journey and wish me well. I know I am going to need it!
-C
The kicker here? I was doing it all to myself. I know I was. The more she went and did with the kids, the more I was unhappy. My biggest fear, I have come to the conclusion of as of the last 5 months or so is exclusion. I don't like it at all and will act way out of my normal calm self if I start to feel that way. However, by not being able to or not wanting to do anything with my family this summer I was excluding myself. Downward spiral much? So, about a week ago or so I decided, once and for all, I am going to change my body. I may never be the athlete I was in high school again, but I don't know if my family would want that. I may not have the metabolism I had in high school. I may not recover as fast as I once did but I am going to do it.
So, that's my back story, it's the why I have to do this anyways. It's the motivation that I will need to fall back on once and a while. My children, my wife, myself, my family. Obviously I am going to need to fall back on them from time to time. I will need that push. I promise that I will. All I am, and all that I have is love my my family for whom I would do anything for. In this case, the anything is to buckle down and get off my ass.
So, I guess I need to put it out there. As of last week I weighed 240lbs. I started to diet. I want to get down to at least 200lbs. My body type is such (because of a lot of hours in the gym) that I don't think I would look very good much under 200lbs. However, I plan on getting to 200lbs and then seeing how I look and feel. My plan is to use my fitness pal to keep track of things as I progress. My user name is chrislague if you care to have a friend on there. Anyways, I have lost 3 lbs so far by just changing what I was eating and, I think, more importantly keeping track of what I am eating. As of today, I have started running on my treadmill. For that I am using an app for my Windows phone called C25K. C25K, or couch to 5K is a running trainer designed to get somebody off the couch and running a 5K in 9 weeks at 3 times per week. 27 runs on the treadmill? Sounds good.
After tonight I think I may have to make it a 10 week. I was weak and couldn't make every run cycle for the full time. It is kind of a cool app though even if it is mostly just a time that will once and a while tell you to when to walk, run, or cool down.
So, C25K is one tool in the effort to get back into shape. As I said, it is 3 days a week. The other thing that I am going to do is 3 days of yoga. At one point the wife was doing yoga almost daily and she not only seemed to really like it but it was almost addictive for her. I used to be very flexible and I hope that yoga will get me a limber again. I also think that it may help me to run a bit better. I may not be an athlete anymore but my legs are the size of a football players. The problem with that is that when I do certain types of exercise the blood pours into my calves and they cramp up. Bad. It started to happen tonight and I wanted so much to stop running to give them a break. This is where I can depend on my wife. She was right down there with me riding a stationary bike looking right at me. If I would have stopped she would have had permission to get me going someway. I will and do need her to help me though this. At least for the first couple of weeks. They are going to be tough, I can feel it already. 30 minutes on the treadmill and my legs are throbbing.
I think that I have written enough for a first blog. I can't tell you how often I'll write here. I am going to try to be more focused on my goal then on a blog but I will check back from time to time and update my progress.
If you have read all this, thanks! I'll even ask you to think of me on my journey and wish me well. I know I am going to need it!
-C
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