12-9-12

     Wow!, it's been a while since I have posted on here. Thought I would pop on and give an update. As of last week I am down 22 pounds and feeling pretty good. I still can't really see any changes in my body no matter how hard I look and that part is getting me depressed a bit. I would think that 22 pounds, I should start to see something by now. The biggest news from last week is that a friend of mine and his wife gave me an elliptical machine to use. I have never really liked them before, to be exact I was afraid of them, but last Wednesday night I got it home and I jumped on it for 35 minutes. I burned over 500 calories in that 35 minutes. That pretty much did me in there, I am hooked! I used it the next night too and here is what I found. My calves just don't like being on it two nights in a row. I had to put a heating pad on my calves after taking a night off from working out. Lesson learned. Don't use the elliptical two nights in a row. Or, perhaps, I can try doing it for less time. The thing is I think I need to do it for at least 25 or I have to do something else before or after I get on it. It's not as complete a workout I guess is what I am getting at. For example, tonight I got on the treadmill for the first time in a long time because of the IT band. I was on it for about 15 minutes I think. Maybe it was 20, I really don't remember now. Anyways, I could feel my IT band as I was on it getting tighter, then the wife and I switched, (she was on the elliptical) and I was fine, I went pretty hard for about 10 minutes. I pretty much just wanted to burn 150 calories on that as I had burned about 100 on the treadmill. After all that we came upstairs and did some yoga.
     So, my body has pretty much done it all today. Truth be told, I needed it. I have been feeling like I have been slipping a bit and loosing a bit of motivation due to not being able to see the changes. I think I have said it on here before but I don't exactly have the most positive of body images so even if others are telling me they can see it, the problem is that I don't. So, tonight I'll post some pictures that were taken of me last week. I'll just keep looking until I see something positive. I just hope it's soon. I really need it. I haven't talked to the wife about how bad I am feeling about all this yet though, I suppose, she will read it here. It's not something I am completely comfortable speaking of in person. Sometimes, this blog is a sounding board for me and that is just going to have to be ok.
     Last night was my company's Christmas party. I had a good time. The wife and I got to dress up all pretty like and go out without the kids and without any friends. It was pretty nice and there is a little part of me that can't wait for the kids to be older so we can do it a little more often.(not that I am in a hurry for them to grow up by any means) Anyways, at the party there was so really good food and I was a bit surprised at myself. Until last night I had eaten whatever was out but I would really try to control it and if it was too much I would really feel bad about it. Kind of like an addict getting caught doing what it was they were addicted to I would think. Not last night though. Last night I just dug in and filled myself up. I think I had more to eat in that meal then I did at either one of the Thanksgiving meals that I had. I did it and I didn't feel bad about it at all. This is a very slippery slop for me I think. I can't let it happen again. Everyone always says to me that it's ok once and a while, the problem is that if I let myself find comfort in food I may mess everything up that I have worked so hard to accomplish. Keep this in mind for the holidays Chris. It's important.

Picture time:

 

So this is how I am looking as of last week. I don't know. I don't really see anything different yet. I'll keep on working at it but I need something soon. Perhaps, I should have been using a measuring tape. Maybe then I would have seen something. Anything.

 

     Motivation time,

Don't be afraid to fail, be afraid to no have tried. Don't let the actions or words of others prevent you from reaching within yourself to find that little something that you are hanging on to. Don't allow yourself to not feel the guilt if you over eat. That guilt is your drive. It means that you are failing yourself. You will never be able to eat that way again. You need to know that you can eat anything but you have to keep it in moderation. Know that you can workout hard. You have proven that to yourself already. Make sure to understand though that some days are going to be better then others. Don't be afraid to take advantage of the good days and push it just a little bit harder.

11-25-12

     So, over the last couple of days the wife and I have been doing duel workouts. Works for me since I can't run right now. Damn IT band. It's ok though. I am still a bit upset about that IT band but I know now that I was trying to do to much too soon. When I have it feeling better I'll do some walking on the treadmill but I am going to stay away from walking til after Christmas I think. Meanwhile doing yoga and walk away the pounds I should still be able to keep losing weight. I have been doing pretty well keeping track of the calories and I have a weigh in due in the morning. Let's hope all that water I had to drink this morning it out of the system by morning. If not I may have gained a pound.
     So, like I said, tonight we did Yoga and then we did Walk Away the Pounds 2 mile. I have to be honest, the yoga that we have been doing didn't exactly get me ready for tonight. We were doing all kinds of things that we hadn't really done before. One really nice thing though is that there was some push ups and sit ups involved with the selection that we turned on. I guess there are 7 of them on the DVD and also there is a way to "matrix" a few workouts together. It has left me tired and a bit sore. Both are good things!
     The two mile walk was nice and after the yoga we did it was enough. I am thinking it's probably time to move up to the three mile walk though as I still had a little more to give after the two mile. That fact right there is pretty nice to be able to state. So, that's it then, the wife and I are going to move on to the three mile walk from here on unless we just are not feeling it.
     So it's about that time I guess. Motivation time. However, instead of pure motivation tonight I think I am just going to give myself a list to follow. While my main goal here is weight loss I need to remember that it's about an overall wellness so here goes my list.

1. Think wellness not weight loss. The way I need to look at it is that with wellness the weight loss will happen. Keep in mind why I am doing this. The wife, the kids, myself.
2. Set reasonable goals. While it would be nice to think that I can go from not doing anything to running a 5K in 9 weeks, I ended up hurting my body trying. 
3. Limit but do not eliminate. Sometimes you just need a slice or two of pizza or a burger from Mcdonalds and that is ok. Just don't fall into the trap of doing it every night and day.
4. Pace yourself. This gets back to the fact that I hurt myself already trying to take on too much too fast. When the IT band is better don't just start running again. Build to it and you will be fine.
5. Celebrate the small victories. You need to set very small goals for yourself every week. Set yourself up to succeed and not to fail.
6. Keep working out with the wife. It's good to have an accountability partner. Someone to tell you good job once and a while and someone to say, you know it's ok to stop if you need to. Let her be your voice of reason. You'll need this more and more with time.
7. Somehow, (still need to figure this one out) I need to shut off the negative self talk. I need to stop bashing on myself if something doesn't go the way that I want it to or think it should.
8. Learn to recognize how far you have come. This one can be very tough because it always seems to take a long time before you notice anything good about yourself.(me anyways) So if you get a complement from someone don't be so quick to let it go over your head. Hear what they are saying and realize that it's true.
9. This one is right up my ally. I need a theme song like Rocky had. I think it would be cool to have a song that I can listen to and it would cue my body to get ready to go. (I'll have to work on this one)
10. Think of how good it will feel when you are back in a size 34 pant. For too long you have been in a 38 knowing all to well that there is an issue there. Remember, smaller clothes sometimes cost less. That will be money that I won't mine spending.

     So, there is a list of things for me to keep in mind. I hope to hell if the need arises that I can look back on this list and say "oh, there it is right there, I am ok." 

Day 8

     Back on the treadmill. For the first time?  Yep, got to run on the new (used) treadmill tonight. Had a good session. The program has changed for week 2 and now has me running 1:30 minutes walking for 2:00. Good intervals and I was able to do it though I must admit that the last run interval I was sucking wind pretty bad. I really am out of shape. Besides that, my ass hurts. That's not all, my hamstrings and my calves hurt. My legs don't like what I am doing to them I suppose. It's all good though, the wife already said she would give me a rub and that should help loosen me up a bit.
     On the food watch, today I was hungry again. I was tired toward the end of the day even taking to sitting in a chair a few times which is not something that I normally do. Is this just because I am tired from lack of sleep or because I am not eating what my body would consider enough. I don't know. I'll chalk it up to just plain tired for a few more days. If I don't snap out of it I'll have to look at bumping my calories up a bit. Wait, no, I won't. I'll have to try and focus on eating the amount of calories I am allowed. Hell, tonight after I logged my workout I have 468 to go. I am going to have to eat a snack of some sort to close the gap a little.

Motivation time:
Your legs are sore, that means that you are doing something. Don't stop. Keep eating well. Your goals will come to you if you help them. You have the support of the most important person in your life. Don't screw that up. If you are feeling tired, look at her. This is enough to make you do anything needed.

-C

Last day of week one

     Well shit! I have been good all week, keeping myself going and pushing a little harder every day. Keep track of what I eat, keeping track of my exercise and then this happens?  Really?  Went downstairs tonight to do day 3 of C25K and I was feeling pretty good so I decided that I was going to walk a little faster then I was and I was going to run a little faster and longer then even the trainer wanted me to. I was just finishing my last run cycle and the damned treadmill broke. Honestly, it's like whatever I want to do in life something has to come around and fuck it up for me. It's so very frustrating. Anyways, the wife was on Craigslist before we were even back upstairs. There are a couple of treadmills right here in the town where we live and I hope that one of them comes though. I hate to spend the money on a treadmill but I can't stop. If I stop because of this I may not keep going. I need to stay with the highs and forget about the damned treadmill.

     Motivation time and then I have to run, my Bears around about to be on TV which doesn't happen much here in Vermont.

     You need to keep Running Chris, you know why?  Cause your fat enough to break a treadmill.  <-- it's kind of a joke..  one that will keep me going anyways.

-C