11-23-12

     Happy day after Thanksgiving all. Hope you all made it out without hurting yourself. Me? Nope. I did exactly what I didn't want to do. Sure it's ok to give yourself a day off every now and again. What I did yesterday though...  well, I don't feel good about it. Anyways, it's over and I need to continue on. So as it's not even noon yet and I haven't worked out yet today I figure I need to think about what it is that makes me eat. There has to be some sort of trigger. If I can eat well on one day and completely over do it the next, that has to be on me right?
     Right now it's about 10 minutes to 12. I just checked on a few things and my stress level is though the roof. I can't focus on anything else (which is why I am writing) and I feel like I want to eat. I mean, I want to really eat. Ok. So, stress is obviously one of my triggers. Considering my job and a few other things, I think I am going to have to find a way to get over stress the most. I am normally a very calm person and it does take a lot for me to get my stress level up. The problem is that I'll hold it for far too long. I wish I knew why but I don't. I know that when my body can't take anymore my heart starts to pound, my body shakes, and it's really just anger at that point that I am trying to hold back. Yesterday, after I figured out my calorie count I was very mad. Very upset with myself. Almost to the point of tears. I love my wife, and I can't thank her enough for reminding me that it will be alright. The problem is that while I hear her my brain is busy bashing the rest of me. That creates more stress and then, guess what. I want to eat.
     I know the other thing that gets me is that when I am bored. I have been called Eeyore at times and it's something that I don't want to be. Sometimes, I feel that I might warrant that name but often times I think I am misunderstood because I am not an overly talkative. Some may also think of this as being bored. I don't like that I have taken to calling myself Eeyore but yes, sometimes it does fit. The bad part is that while I know it fits it's a way to talk down to myself. Whatever it is, I mostly get that way when I am bored or tired. When I feel like that, I want to eat.
     Nothing like being your own therapist eh?
     Anyways, I am not completely upset with myself. I am trying to find the bright side of things as of late. I really am. Even with the outside forces kicking me in the balls. Yesterday, at the in-laws, before we had our Thanksgiving meal my wife and her sisters decided to go for a walk. They asked me to go. I think I may have surprised them a little by saying yes. I know if Thanksgiving were just 3 weeks ago I would have. It would have been just another time that I wouldn't have felt like I could keep up, or I might feel embarrassed if I got out of breath during a walk. I couldn't have put myself though that. I would have again, excluded myself. However, not yesterday! Yesterday I said yes. One of my brothers-in-law came with us so we had our 5. We went for about a 20 minute walk and not one time did I start to get out of breath. Not one time did I feel tired or like I couldn't go as far as the others. I felt, good. I was hearing some of the others breathing a little hard as we walked against the wind. Not me. Not my wife. We could have kept going. Just Wednesday we had walked after a Thanksgiving lunch at my parents and we were both fine. (IT band aside) I must admit, I was kind of proud of myself at that moment. These are the things to keep me going. These little things that my brain will pick out of an entire day to motivate me.
     Enough for now, motivation time:
Look how far you have come in 3 weeks. While your not running a 5k yet you know in your heart you could walk it at a pretty good pace. This is the first time in a very long time that I allowed others not in my home to see me "exercise" and the fact that I did so is a very very large step for me. I hate feeling embarrassed.