12-11-12

     Well, here I sit, with an ice block on my ass trying to dull the pain of this damn IT band. Want a quick way to drop some weight? Chop off this freaking leg for all the pain it's giving me. Seriously, how can I train for a 5k run if I can't run? It's pretty frustrating to me. Honestly, come on body, give me a break here. I have done more for you this past month and a little bit then I have since I got out of high school. I am paying more attention to what I am putting in my face and I am trying to stay way away from the stuff I know isn't good for me. How have you rewarded me so far body? You have a literal pain in the ass, and you have stopped losing weight.

     The IT band issue, from everything I am reading on the net is mostly caused by a few things. First, my gate while running is probably to long causing an over stretching of the band over the entire time I am on the treadmill. Second, my hip flexors are probably a little on the weak side, and third, my hips are probably on the tight side. Okay, so I have identified the problems or at least the potential problems so it's a matter of fixing them. One article that I read said that using a 6 week strengthening program working on the hip muscles got rid of the pain and people were able to run again pain free. Sounds okay. 6 weeks from today. God damn it! During that 6 weeks I should be able to increase any flexibility issues that I have in my hips, so for that keep going with the yoga and do some special IT band stretches. As for the gate issue..  Damn it..  I have to wait, and wait, and wait, until I can run a bit on that damn treadmill so that I can record it from a couple of different angles and forward it on to an internet friend of the wife's who happens to be a PT. Damn it. Working so hard and for what. To wait. Seriously.

     As far as the wight loss goes. This morning, I weighed myself. I only post weight updates here once a week but I hop on the scale about every other day. It may be too much, it may be obsessive but damn it, I want to KNOW that I am going the right way. Well, this morning I got a slap in the face. I didn't lose anything since last week, in fact I had gained a pound. What the hell! (note to the wife, no, my body isn't in starvation mode) Back on the internet I went and what I found out was that my body is screwing with me and it's perfectly normal. This is something I knew could happen way in the back of my mind. I remember this from the hours of being in a gym. My body has gotten to the point where it now knows what I am doing and it is slowing everything down because it's not sure when it's going to get fuel again. This isn't starvation mode, not yet. This is normal when you get all fat and try and do something about it. From what I was reading today, this could have been the beginning of the dreaded "rubber band." Here is the cool thing, if you know what's happening then you know not to let it worry you as long as you don't gain back an excessive about of weight. One to two pounds if fairly normal and all you need to do to correct it is to mix up your routine a bit. In severe cases you may need to eat more often, the 5 or 6 times a day that you might have heard of in small quantities. I don't think I am to that point yet but if I change up my exercise routine a bit it should be enough to shock my body back into fat burning.

     What else should I toss in here today? Nothing. I think that's all I have in my brain tonight. 

     Motivation time..  Tonight I have very little. I got on the elliptical tonight for 25 minutes. I have an ice pack on my ass. I am sore and if I move just right I feel like I can collapse. Not much in the way of motivation tonight. Am I going to stop though? Nope. The old me is still in control. The me that sets a goal and will do just about anything to get there.

-C 

12-9-12

     Wow!, it's been a while since I have posted on here. Thought I would pop on and give an update. As of last week I am down 22 pounds and feeling pretty good. I still can't really see any changes in my body no matter how hard I look and that part is getting me depressed a bit. I would think that 22 pounds, I should start to see something by now. The biggest news from last week is that a friend of mine and his wife gave me an elliptical machine to use. I have never really liked them before, to be exact I was afraid of them, but last Wednesday night I got it home and I jumped on it for 35 minutes. I burned over 500 calories in that 35 minutes. That pretty much did me in there, I am hooked! I used it the next night too and here is what I found. My calves just don't like being on it two nights in a row. I had to put a heating pad on my calves after taking a night off from working out. Lesson learned. Don't use the elliptical two nights in a row. Or, perhaps, I can try doing it for less time. The thing is I think I need to do it for at least 25 or I have to do something else before or after I get on it. It's not as complete a workout I guess is what I am getting at. For example, tonight I got on the treadmill for the first time in a long time because of the IT band. I was on it for about 15 minutes I think. Maybe it was 20, I really don't remember now. Anyways, I could feel my IT band as I was on it getting tighter, then the wife and I switched, (she was on the elliptical) and I was fine, I went pretty hard for about 10 minutes. I pretty much just wanted to burn 150 calories on that as I had burned about 100 on the treadmill. After all that we came upstairs and did some yoga.
     So, my body has pretty much done it all today. Truth be told, I needed it. I have been feeling like I have been slipping a bit and loosing a bit of motivation due to not being able to see the changes. I think I have said it on here before but I don't exactly have the most positive of body images so even if others are telling me they can see it, the problem is that I don't. So, tonight I'll post some pictures that were taken of me last week. I'll just keep looking until I see something positive. I just hope it's soon. I really need it. I haven't talked to the wife about how bad I am feeling about all this yet though, I suppose, she will read it here. It's not something I am completely comfortable speaking of in person. Sometimes, this blog is a sounding board for me and that is just going to have to be ok.
     Last night was my company's Christmas party. I had a good time. The wife and I got to dress up all pretty like and go out without the kids and without any friends. It was pretty nice and there is a little part of me that can't wait for the kids to be older so we can do it a little more often.(not that I am in a hurry for them to grow up by any means) Anyways, at the party there was so really good food and I was a bit surprised at myself. Until last night I had eaten whatever was out but I would really try to control it and if it was too much I would really feel bad about it. Kind of like an addict getting caught doing what it was they were addicted to I would think. Not last night though. Last night I just dug in and filled myself up. I think I had more to eat in that meal then I did at either one of the Thanksgiving meals that I had. I did it and I didn't feel bad about it at all. This is a very slippery slop for me I think. I can't let it happen again. Everyone always says to me that it's ok once and a while, the problem is that if I let myself find comfort in food I may mess everything up that I have worked so hard to accomplish. Keep this in mind for the holidays Chris. It's important.

Picture time:

 

So this is how I am looking as of last week. I don't know. I don't really see anything different yet. I'll keep on working at it but I need something soon. Perhaps, I should have been using a measuring tape. Maybe then I would have seen something. Anything.

 

     Motivation time,

Don't be afraid to fail, be afraid to no have tried. Don't let the actions or words of others prevent you from reaching within yourself to find that little something that you are hanging on to. Don't allow yourself to not feel the guilt if you over eat. That guilt is your drive. It means that you are failing yourself. You will never be able to eat that way again. You need to know that you can eat anything but you have to keep it in moderation. Know that you can workout hard. You have proven that to yourself already. Make sure to understand though that some days are going to be better then others. Don't be afraid to take advantage of the good days and push it just a little bit harder.

11-26-1 2

     Monday...  Egad. It's almost done though. Today was the first day back to work for me in 8 days. It was kind of odd, it kind of felt good to be back at work. I think a lot of it was to get back to my regular routine. I think there is a little part of me that says, ok, first go to work, then go home. Eat. Workout. I think that's what it is. We also had our first snow that stuck to the ground today. All of about an inch. Still, it caused a lot of accidents and the phones where off the hook busy today. I like it busy so about half way though the day I decided on what I wanted to do for a workout. I decided that I was going to do the 3 mile walk from walk away the pounds and I wanted to do a quick yoga afterwards. I sent and e-mail off to the wife and it was agreed on.
     So I got home and could see very easy that the wife is exhausted. She should be in bed right now but it blogging  away. I told her to not worry about working out with me. She said she likes to and all that but I could just tell she doesn't have it in her. Plus she biked most of the way to work and all the way home today so it's not like she needed it. I decided that I could work out while she was reading to our daughter. In went walk away the pounds and to the 3 mile I went. I have to admit, I can understand why the wife says she likes that one so much. It was about 50 minutes long with the cool down and stretching.  However, I did not do the yoga after the walk. I am sore from last nights workout. I admit it. I think a day off is just what the body ordered. Also, tomorrow night I have my dart league so two full days off  of yoga. Wednesday night I will be ready to roll again.
     Running short on time tonight so right to the motivation. Tonight you worked out for the first time since you started this all by yourself and guess what, you did it. You did it just fine. Keep up that attitude and don't while you don't need to over do anything when you feel like you can it's ok to go for it a little. Go for your goal!

11-25-12

     So, over the last couple of days the wife and I have been doing duel workouts. Works for me since I can't run right now. Damn IT band. It's ok though. I am still a bit upset about that IT band but I know now that I was trying to do to much too soon. When I have it feeling better I'll do some walking on the treadmill but I am going to stay away from walking til after Christmas I think. Meanwhile doing yoga and walk away the pounds I should still be able to keep losing weight. I have been doing pretty well keeping track of the calories and I have a weigh in due in the morning. Let's hope all that water I had to drink this morning it out of the system by morning. If not I may have gained a pound.
     So, like I said, tonight we did Yoga and then we did Walk Away the Pounds 2 mile. I have to be honest, the yoga that we have been doing didn't exactly get me ready for tonight. We were doing all kinds of things that we hadn't really done before. One really nice thing though is that there was some push ups and sit ups involved with the selection that we turned on. I guess there are 7 of them on the DVD and also there is a way to "matrix" a few workouts together. It has left me tired and a bit sore. Both are good things!
     The two mile walk was nice and after the yoga we did it was enough. I am thinking it's probably time to move up to the three mile walk though as I still had a little more to give after the two mile. That fact right there is pretty nice to be able to state. So, that's it then, the wife and I are going to move on to the three mile walk from here on unless we just are not feeling it.
     So it's about that time I guess. Motivation time. However, instead of pure motivation tonight I think I am just going to give myself a list to follow. While my main goal here is weight loss I need to remember that it's about an overall wellness so here goes my list.

1. Think wellness not weight loss. The way I need to look at it is that with wellness the weight loss will happen. Keep in mind why I am doing this. The wife, the kids, myself.
2. Set reasonable goals. While it would be nice to think that I can go from not doing anything to running a 5K in 9 weeks, I ended up hurting my body trying. 
3. Limit but do not eliminate. Sometimes you just need a slice or two of pizza or a burger from Mcdonalds and that is ok. Just don't fall into the trap of doing it every night and day.
4. Pace yourself. This gets back to the fact that I hurt myself already trying to take on too much too fast. When the IT band is better don't just start running again. Build to it and you will be fine.
5. Celebrate the small victories. You need to set very small goals for yourself every week. Set yourself up to succeed and not to fail.
6. Keep working out with the wife. It's good to have an accountability partner. Someone to tell you good job once and a while and someone to say, you know it's ok to stop if you need to. Let her be your voice of reason. You'll need this more and more with time.
7. Somehow, (still need to figure this one out) I need to shut off the negative self talk. I need to stop bashing on myself if something doesn't go the way that I want it to or think it should.
8. Learn to recognize how far you have come. This one can be very tough because it always seems to take a long time before you notice anything good about yourself.(me anyways) So if you get a complement from someone don't be so quick to let it go over your head. Hear what they are saying and realize that it's true.
9. This one is right up my ally. I need a theme song like Rocky had. I think it would be cool to have a song that I can listen to and it would cue my body to get ready to go. (I'll have to work on this one)
10. Think of how good it will feel when you are back in a size 34 pant. For too long you have been in a 38 knowing all to well that there is an issue there. Remember, smaller clothes sometimes cost less. That will be money that I won't mine spending.

     So, there is a list of things for me to keep in mind. I hope to hell if the need arises that I can look back on this list and say "oh, there it is right there, I am ok." 

11-23-12 take two

I wasn't going to do this. I took the pictures but I was going to keep them to myself. However, I need to keep my motivation high over the next 5 weeks because of the holidays and to show myself that I am moving in the right direction. I'll take pictures every couple of weeks from now on. In fact I'll have the wife take them so they come out a little better. Sorry for the quality :(

From Week 1. Took these right before starting this blog

From Week 1. Took these right before starting this blog

11-23-12

     Happy day after Thanksgiving all. Hope you all made it out without hurting yourself. Me? Nope. I did exactly what I didn't want to do. Sure it's ok to give yourself a day off every now and again. What I did yesterday though...  well, I don't feel good about it. Anyways, it's over and I need to continue on. So as it's not even noon yet and I haven't worked out yet today I figure I need to think about what it is that makes me eat. There has to be some sort of trigger. If I can eat well on one day and completely over do it the next, that has to be on me right?
     Right now it's about 10 minutes to 12. I just checked on a few things and my stress level is though the roof. I can't focus on anything else (which is why I am writing) and I feel like I want to eat. I mean, I want to really eat. Ok. So, stress is obviously one of my triggers. Considering my job and a few other things, I think I am going to have to find a way to get over stress the most. I am normally a very calm person and it does take a lot for me to get my stress level up. The problem is that I'll hold it for far too long. I wish I knew why but I don't. I know that when my body can't take anymore my heart starts to pound, my body shakes, and it's really just anger at that point that I am trying to hold back. Yesterday, after I figured out my calorie count I was very mad. Very upset with myself. Almost to the point of tears. I love my wife, and I can't thank her enough for reminding me that it will be alright. The problem is that while I hear her my brain is busy bashing the rest of me. That creates more stress and then, guess what. I want to eat.
     I know the other thing that gets me is that when I am bored. I have been called Eeyore at times and it's something that I don't want to be. Sometimes, I feel that I might warrant that name but often times I think I am misunderstood because I am not an overly talkative. Some may also think of this as being bored. I don't like that I have taken to calling myself Eeyore but yes, sometimes it does fit. The bad part is that while I know it fits it's a way to talk down to myself. Whatever it is, I mostly get that way when I am bored or tired. When I feel like that, I want to eat.
     Nothing like being your own therapist eh?
     Anyways, I am not completely upset with myself. I am trying to find the bright side of things as of late. I really am. Even with the outside forces kicking me in the balls. Yesterday, at the in-laws, before we had our Thanksgiving meal my wife and her sisters decided to go for a walk. They asked me to go. I think I may have surprised them a little by saying yes. I know if Thanksgiving were just 3 weeks ago I would have. It would have been just another time that I wouldn't have felt like I could keep up, or I might feel embarrassed if I got out of breath during a walk. I couldn't have put myself though that. I would have again, excluded myself. However, not yesterday! Yesterday I said yes. One of my brothers-in-law came with us so we had our 5. We went for about a 20 minute walk and not one time did I start to get out of breath. Not one time did I feel tired or like I couldn't go as far as the others. I felt, good. I was hearing some of the others breathing a little hard as we walked against the wind. Not me. Not my wife. We could have kept going. Just Wednesday we had walked after a Thanksgiving lunch at my parents and we were both fine. (IT band aside) I must admit, I was kind of proud of myself at that moment. These are the things to keep me going. These little things that my brain will pick out of an entire day to motivate me.
     Enough for now, motivation time:
Look how far you have come in 3 weeks. While your not running a 5k yet you know in your heart you could walk it at a pretty good pace. This is the first time in a very long time that I allowed others not in my home to see me "exercise" and the fact that I did so is a very very large step for me. I hate feeling embarrassed.

Day 8

     Back on the treadmill. For the first time?  Yep, got to run on the new (used) treadmill tonight. Had a good session. The program has changed for week 2 and now has me running 1:30 minutes walking for 2:00. Good intervals and I was able to do it though I must admit that the last run interval I was sucking wind pretty bad. I really am out of shape. Besides that, my ass hurts. That's not all, my hamstrings and my calves hurt. My legs don't like what I am doing to them I suppose. It's all good though, the wife already said she would give me a rub and that should help loosen me up a bit.
     On the food watch, today I was hungry again. I was tired toward the end of the day even taking to sitting in a chair a few times which is not something that I normally do. Is this just because I am tired from lack of sleep or because I am not eating what my body would consider enough. I don't know. I'll chalk it up to just plain tired for a few more days. If I don't snap out of it I'll have to look at bumping my calories up a bit. Wait, no, I won't. I'll have to try and focus on eating the amount of calories I am allowed. Hell, tonight after I logged my workout I have 468 to go. I am going to have to eat a snack of some sort to close the gap a little.

Motivation time:
Your legs are sore, that means that you are doing something. Don't stop. Keep eating well. Your goals will come to you if you help them. You have the support of the most important person in your life. Don't screw that up. If you are feeling tired, look at her. This is enough to make you do anything needed.

-C

Last day of week one

     Well shit! I have been good all week, keeping myself going and pushing a little harder every day. Keep track of what I eat, keeping track of my exercise and then this happens?  Really?  Went downstairs tonight to do day 3 of C25K and I was feeling pretty good so I decided that I was going to walk a little faster then I was and I was going to run a little faster and longer then even the trainer wanted me to. I was just finishing my last run cycle and the damned treadmill broke. Honestly, it's like whatever I want to do in life something has to come around and fuck it up for me. It's so very frustrating. Anyways, the wife was on Craigslist before we were even back upstairs. There are a couple of treadmills right here in the town where we live and I hope that one of them comes though. I hate to spend the money on a treadmill but I can't stop. If I stop because of this I may not keep going. I need to stay with the highs and forget about the damned treadmill.

     Motivation time and then I have to run, my Bears around about to be on TV which doesn't happen much here in Vermont.

     You need to keep Running Chris, you know why?  Cause your fat enough to break a treadmill.  <-- it's kind of a joke..  one that will keep me going anyways.

-C

First weekend on the full on diet.

Day 4,
     Today stated out like most days, I got up, went to the town where I work. I didn't have to work today but I did have to pick up a car that has been sitting there for a few weeks to bring it home. Had to deal with a little bit of an issue with said car as well. The right rear brake was frozen from not having been used. Cool! Not! So, I did what any good redneck would do in the situation I was in. I got a hammer. With the hammer I adjusted the brakes to make them work and I came home. Anyways, tonight the wife and I did a workout. She has this old DVD called walk away the pounds. We (she) decided we should do a 2 mile walk. It went pretty well and I was able to get my heart rate up with it. There is a part in this walk that your supposed to use stretchy bands with your arms. I didn't do that tonight due to my bad shoulders but I think if I do it without a couple of times that I can work my way to using them and maybe get some strength back into these used up arms of mine. Well, just one little motivation before I go, I have to watch a show with the wife.

If you can't fly then run,
if you can't run then walk,
if you can't walk then craawl,
but whatever you do
you have to keep
moving forward.

1st full week of keeping track

Day 3-

     A quick note today, I need to stop writing books here. I mean, I want this to be a bit of a diary/journal for me that I am willing to put out there on the web but damn.. 20 minutes of typing is too much time for me to spend on my computer right now. Just don't wanna.
     Anyways, I did a weigh in tonight and have found that I have lost 6 pounds this week. Some of it may be water, I am willing to admit that but I think most of it is just keeping track of how much food I am putting in my mouth. So, yeah, 6 pounds and a lot more to go. I wonder, will I be able to see my body change or not? I spoke about my low self-esteem yesterday and I really don't want it to get in the way or make me go to far with the weight loss. I'll again, lean on the wife to help me to my conclusion. Did I mention that I am so damned lucky to have her?
     Well, for exercise tonight I did day two of C25K. Tonight, I did way better then the first night. I hit every mark to run and I didn't feel like I was going to die(as much).  The wife was again, at my side riding her bike and when we were done there she came upstairs and did a quick yoga while I took a shower. When I came out and she was almost done I thought that it would have been something cool for me to do as well so perhaps next time I will.
     Simple motivation time.
     I can do this. I have already begun the process. I have already lost 6 pounds without any bad things happening. I know I can do more! I will lose the weight I want to. I will go down in the size of my pants. I have to for my family.