12-15-12

     I didn't post last night. I wanted to but I got busy. Instead of spending bad time on the computer I put my time to good use. The wife and I made homemade sausage and it was a lot of fun. I would guess that we made over 3 yards of the stuff. I may even go crazy and post a couple of pictures of the sausage here to remind myself that while I have cut back on what I eat I have eliminated nothing.  Anyway, the reason why I did want to post last night was that I wanted to do a weight update. Drum roll please!!!!  25 pounds down! Awesome. Still not seeing it myself but a couple of others have and have mentioned it. So with 25 down it's time to really focus in on my over all goal. I had told my brother and sister-in-laws that I wanted to be 30 pounds by Christmas. Well, I have about 2 weeks to go. 2.5 pounds per week and I have got this so long as I am good and keep up with what I am doing.
    
     So that's my motivation at this point. I have to prove myself right about 30 pounds by Christmas. I have to show my family that when I put my mind to something I can do it. I am so very close. While I admit that I am a bit sore all the time at this point it's the good kind. The kind that I can get behind. The kind that reminds me during the day that I am doing something good for myself. I AM getting in shape.

-C

Meh, edited to show a picture of the homemade sausage.

11-26-1 2

     Monday...  Egad. It's almost done though. Today was the first day back to work for me in 8 days. It was kind of odd, it kind of felt good to be back at work. I think a lot of it was to get back to my regular routine. I think there is a little part of me that says, ok, first go to work, then go home. Eat. Workout. I think that's what it is. We also had our first snow that stuck to the ground today. All of about an inch. Still, it caused a lot of accidents and the phones where off the hook busy today. I like it busy so about half way though the day I decided on what I wanted to do for a workout. I decided that I was going to do the 3 mile walk from walk away the pounds and I wanted to do a quick yoga afterwards. I sent and e-mail off to the wife and it was agreed on.
     So I got home and could see very easy that the wife is exhausted. She should be in bed right now but it blogging  away. I told her to not worry about working out with me. She said she likes to and all that but I could just tell she doesn't have it in her. Plus she biked most of the way to work and all the way home today so it's not like she needed it. I decided that I could work out while she was reading to our daughter. In went walk away the pounds and to the 3 mile I went. I have to admit, I can understand why the wife says she likes that one so much. It was about 50 minutes long with the cool down and stretching.  However, I did not do the yoga after the walk. I am sore from last nights workout. I admit it. I think a day off is just what the body ordered. Also, tomorrow night I have my dart league so two full days off  of yoga. Wednesday night I will be ready to roll again.
     Running short on time tonight so right to the motivation. Tonight you worked out for the first time since you started this all by yourself and guess what, you did it. You did it just fine. Keep up that attitude and don't while you don't need to over do anything when you feel like you can it's ok to go for it a little. Go for your goal!

11-25-12

     So, over the last couple of days the wife and I have been doing duel workouts. Works for me since I can't run right now. Damn IT band. It's ok though. I am still a bit upset about that IT band but I know now that I was trying to do to much too soon. When I have it feeling better I'll do some walking on the treadmill but I am going to stay away from walking til after Christmas I think. Meanwhile doing yoga and walk away the pounds I should still be able to keep losing weight. I have been doing pretty well keeping track of the calories and I have a weigh in due in the morning. Let's hope all that water I had to drink this morning it out of the system by morning. If not I may have gained a pound.
     So, like I said, tonight we did Yoga and then we did Walk Away the Pounds 2 mile. I have to be honest, the yoga that we have been doing didn't exactly get me ready for tonight. We were doing all kinds of things that we hadn't really done before. One really nice thing though is that there was some push ups and sit ups involved with the selection that we turned on. I guess there are 7 of them on the DVD and also there is a way to "matrix" a few workouts together. It has left me tired and a bit sore. Both are good things!
     The two mile walk was nice and after the yoga we did it was enough. I am thinking it's probably time to move up to the three mile walk though as I still had a little more to give after the two mile. That fact right there is pretty nice to be able to state. So, that's it then, the wife and I are going to move on to the three mile walk from here on unless we just are not feeling it.
     So it's about that time I guess. Motivation time. However, instead of pure motivation tonight I think I am just going to give myself a list to follow. While my main goal here is weight loss I need to remember that it's about an overall wellness so here goes my list.

1. Think wellness not weight loss. The way I need to look at it is that with wellness the weight loss will happen. Keep in mind why I am doing this. The wife, the kids, myself.
2. Set reasonable goals. While it would be nice to think that I can go from not doing anything to running a 5K in 9 weeks, I ended up hurting my body trying. 
3. Limit but do not eliminate. Sometimes you just need a slice or two of pizza or a burger from Mcdonalds and that is ok. Just don't fall into the trap of doing it every night and day.
4. Pace yourself. This gets back to the fact that I hurt myself already trying to take on too much too fast. When the IT band is better don't just start running again. Build to it and you will be fine.
5. Celebrate the small victories. You need to set very small goals for yourself every week. Set yourself up to succeed and not to fail.
6. Keep working out with the wife. It's good to have an accountability partner. Someone to tell you good job once and a while and someone to say, you know it's ok to stop if you need to. Let her be your voice of reason. You'll need this more and more with time.
7. Somehow, (still need to figure this one out) I need to shut off the negative self talk. I need to stop bashing on myself if something doesn't go the way that I want it to or think it should.
8. Learn to recognize how far you have come. This one can be very tough because it always seems to take a long time before you notice anything good about yourself.(me anyways) So if you get a complement from someone don't be so quick to let it go over your head. Hear what they are saying and realize that it's true.
9. This one is right up my ally. I need a theme song like Rocky had. I think it would be cool to have a song that I can listen to and it would cue my body to get ready to go. (I'll have to work on this one)
10. Think of how good it will feel when you are back in a size 34 pant. For too long you have been in a 38 knowing all to well that there is an issue there. Remember, smaller clothes sometimes cost less. That will be money that I won't mine spending.

     So, there is a list of things for me to keep in mind. I hope to hell if the need arises that I can look back on this list and say "oh, there it is right there, I am ok." 

Day 2.

Day 2,
     I said I wasn't going to do this everyday but here I am.  I have to do something to settle down after a workout. I may as well spend 15 minutes on the computer or so and put down my thoughts for the day and for the exercise. Today was an interesting day. My tummy was rumbling most of the day and it's simply just not happy with the idea that I want to lose weight. I look down at it and tell it tough! My belly, my rules and you will get smaller! So, I got home tonight and we had Tomato soup and that was pretty good. After, the wife and I decided on a yoga to do. Yoga for weight loss what the title of it. It was about 53 minutes long and I was able to almost keep up with it. Turns out, my old life style not only left me fat but I have lost most of my natural flexibility. I could cry about that one thing alone. It's something that I have always had pride about. Now, it's gone. I am sure I can get most of it back but with some of the various injuries I have had I don't think I will ever get it all back. It was good though. I can really find myself want to do it again. I'll work my way up to Julian someday.
     So, that was pretty much it for today. I think I'll start saying one reason why I am doing all this to myself when I post. It will be a good way for me to find some simple motivation at the click of a mouse. So, for tonight here goes.
     Remember why you are putting this strain on your body, it's for the greater good.
     For the next few months your working on yourself more then you thought you would.
     Work harder at this then you have in your life.
     Work to make the jaw drop of your most beautiful wife.
     Let your stresses out or they will come back to haunt you.
     Starting to understand this, what a break though.
     Want the wife to not just look at me with love,
     Want her to remember why she fell for me even though I was undeserving of.

     Wow..  broke out into poem there..  trust me, I will not do that one again. Still, the thoughts in there are true. I love her more today then the first day. I know that sometimes my brain makes more out of something then it should but sometimes it's not that far off. Either way it is what I am thinking. I have made myself a promise that if something pops in that I am going to bring it up with her. If it's not right or I am making too much of it I am going to have to trust her enough to trust me enough to open a dialog about it and tell me I am wrong. Low self-esteem + Fear of exclusion + Fat = a lot of things to work on. I can change. Will I get over all of these things?  I don't know. Will I work on it? You know it.

-C-

about a week in but the blog starts now

     Well, here it is.  I am fat. I am out of shape. I am not leading my children by example.  In short, I have become unhappy. I didn't feel like my wife and I were doing much of anything together, except looking at computer screens while in the same room without talking to each other. I didn't feel like I was able to properly participate in my children's activities this past summer because I didn't feel like I could "keep up." These things really started getting to me bad. When I would rather go for a bike ride or stay home because of the way I was feeling, it just made me more depressed.  I was getting upset with myself but didn't WANT to make the change. It wasn't until a few weeks ago that I started giving my marriage some thought. I am not the same person my wife married. How could she still be attracted to me. How could she want to be with me? Why wouldn't she want to find someone that will do all the outdoor activities that she is finding, and liking. As I said, depressed. It's the way my brain goes.
     The kicker here?  I was doing it all to myself. I know I was. The more she went and did with the kids, the more I was unhappy. My biggest fear, I have come to the conclusion of as of the last 5 months or so is exclusion. I don't like it at all and will act way out of my normal calm self if I start to feel that way. However, by not being able to or not wanting to do anything with my family this summer I was excluding myself. Downward spiral much?  So, about a week ago or so I decided, once and for all, I am going to change my body. I may never be the athlete I was in high school again, but I don't know if my family would want that. I may not have the metabolism I had in high school. I may not recover as fast as I once did but I am going to do it.
So, that's my back story, it's the why I have to do this anyways. It's the motivation that I will need to fall back on once and a while. My children, my wife, myself, my family. Obviously I am going to need to fall back on them from time to time. I will need that push. I promise that I will. All I am, and all that I have is love my my family for whom I would do anything for. In this case, the anything is to buckle down and get off my ass.
     So, I guess I need to put it out there. As of last week I weighed 240lbs. I started to diet. I want to get down to at least 200lbs. My body type is such (because of a lot of hours in the gym) that I don't think I would look very good much under 200lbs. However, I plan on getting to 200lbs and then seeing how I look and feel. My plan is to use my fitness pal  to keep track of things as I progress. My user name is chrislague if you care to have a friend on there. Anyways, I have lost 3 lbs so far by just changing what I was eating and, I think, more importantly keeping track of what I am eating. As of today, I have started running on my treadmill.  For that I am using an app for my Windows phone called C25K.  C25K, or couch to 5K is a running trainer designed to get somebody off the couch and running a 5K in 9 weeks at 3 times per week. 27 runs on the treadmill?  Sounds good.
After tonight I think I may have to make it a 10 week. I was weak and couldn't make every run cycle for the full time.  It is kind of a cool app though even if it is mostly just a time that will once and a while tell you to when to walk, run, or cool down.
     So, C25K is one tool in the effort to get back into shape. As I said, it is 3 days a week. The other thing that I am going to do is 3 days of yoga.  At one point the wife was doing yoga almost daily and she not only seemed to really like it but it was almost addictive for her. I used to be very flexible and I hope that yoga will get me a limber again. I also think that it may help me to run a bit better. I may not be an athlete anymore but my legs are the size of a football players. The problem with that is that when I do certain types of exercise the blood pours into my calves and they cramp up. Bad. It started to happen tonight and I wanted so much to stop running to give them a break. This is where I can depend on my wife. She was right down there with me riding a stationary bike looking right at me. If I would have stopped she would have had permission to get me going someway. I will and do need her to help me though this. At least for the first couple of weeks. They are going to be tough, I can feel it already. 30 minutes on the treadmill and my legs are throbbing.
I think that I have written enough for a first blog.  I can't tell you how often I'll write here.  I am going to try to be more focused on my goal then on a blog but I will check back from time to time and update my progress.
     If you have read all this, thanks! I'll even ask you to think of me on my journey and wish me well. I know I am going to need it!

-C